I started thinking about the on screen time ratio between the factions.  It feels like it’s 60/40 (60% autobots, 40% decepticons).

Starscream and Thundercracker are attacking a steel mill to get some metal or something.  Two autobots are also at the same place, and interrupt them, and one says “That looks like ’steel’ing to me.”  The Dcons run outside, blow up the two inside, take like 6 steel I beams each, transform and fly off.  Seems like a wasted recon, what good is 12 I beams going to do?  You can’t even build a house with that.

Optimus doesn’t know why they took them either.  Spike knows how to work their computer and launches a probe to figure it out.  Does this kid even have a job anymore?  His Dad is there half the time too.  How do they get food?  I doubt Telatraan has beds for humans…  For all we know, Spike was saving up for college, and along come the Autobots.  Now what skills does he have that prospective employers would want?  Talking to alien robots?  Maybe the government, but nobody else would give a shit.  And with an alien computer, I doubt he’s getting his typing speed up.  He won’t even be able to be a secretary.  This kid is fucked if they Autobots ever leave.  Also, where’s Chip?  He’s the character I remember the most, even more so than Spike.  He was in what, two episodes?

Oh, now the Decepticons are at an incan temple, talking about legends.  The crystal of power is within!  I bet it has a bunch of energon capabilities or whatever.  Starscream built a frame for the crystal as a laser weapon or something with the steel.  Laserbeak found the probe, and they test the crystal powered cannon by fireing at the probe.  The local humans think it’s the ancient gods, and one local young one knows about the crystal of power.  Also, with that one shot, the cannon is busted because starscream is an idiot; the actual cannon part is melted.  Starscream blames it on Thundercracker, and Megatron pushes TC down the temple.

Sideswipe and Wheeljack are at the north pole trying to dig up skyfire.  They got him out!  Awesome.  That was easy. *staples button*

Skyfire takes two “midget” autobots, Braun and Windcharger to take on Megatron, Soundwave, and Reflector.  They gravely miscalculated.  Now Skyfire has to come and save them.  Soundwave is wielding gun Megatron.  Laserbeak is chasing Windcharger.  Skyfire shows up, and they get away.

That was kind of pointless.  They didn’t find anything out, and riled them up for nothing.  Also, Skyfire has officially become their air bus.  They’re all in the Incan place now.  Why didn’t they drive there?  Like they did to the north pole, haha.

Megatron and co find better metal to build a cannon out of.  Autobots interupt, and Truck Optimus slams into Megatron, knocking him through a wall, totally sweet.  Braun stole Megatron’s arm gun, and shoots it at Megatron into the gut.  For some reason that young incan girl is at the new steel mill and Spike & Bumblebee save her.  What was she doing there!?

Starscream accidentally hits Skyfire, because he was aiming at Thundercracker.  TC called Starscream a geek too :p

Megatron hits a mountain, which causes boulders to fall towards the village and at people.  The autobots use their lasers to destroy the rocks.  They get cheers from the villagers.  There was a commercial break in there, so it was ultra dramatic.

Now their new laser cannon is built, and it works.  Skyfire is locked in the temple, and BB and Spike find him.  Soundwave unleashed Ravage earlier and it attacks Bumblebee.

Megatron is having fun with his new toy, and shoots at some Autobots.  Laserbeak is sitting on his shoulder.  He’s a pirate.  Laserbeak wanna cracker?

Big laser battle, everybody’s shooting at everybody else.

Spike fixes Skyfire, and at the last second Skyfire grabs Ravage, throws him, and Ravage runs away.

Autobots make it up the temple, and stop Megatron from firing.  Optimus sneaks up on Megatron, picks him up, and throws him down the temple.  They retreat immediately.  Thundercracker calls both Megatron and Starscream Geeky.  But man, they got out of there pretty quick.

There’s a new problem.  When Megatron pulled the crystal out, a big gushing energy beam started going towards the sky, which was also partially powering the laser because it was sitting on top of it.  Wheeljack “invents” a cap that will go over the energy wave, trapping it back inside the temple.  They serously called it an invention, but it’s nothing more than an upside down curved manhole, like a cereal bowl made of metal.  It made some lights, which I guess “locked” it in place.

The incan girl wants to thank Bumblebee by introducing him to her brother’s convertable (incans have convertables?) that they call “Juanita” (phonetially Wha-knee-tah).

So, the Fire on the Mountain was that crystal thing.  Next up, War of the Dionbots.  Dionbots?  Somebody named that file wrong.  I’m sure it’s Dinobots.  Yay! More Dinobots!  Wait…  Maybe they mispelling was the other way?  Deon?  Celine Deon?  She’d be a decepticon, probably one of Soundwave’s tape bots with a french accent.  Her laser would play music that kills boners.

Well, that’s a good note to go out on, a laser that kills boners.

Hey, did you know that Transformers are more than meets the eye?  Cool fact.

The snow has all melted away from the previous episode.  But now there’s a lot of earthquakes.  They immediately blame it on the decepticons, but it turns out to be some dinosaur bones?

They tear open a wall and it opens a cave.  Again with the caves.  It’s the easiest setting I guess, there are underground trenches everywhere.  However, this one was ‘inside’ their ship.  Kind of like the ship is missing half of itself from when it crashed 400 million years ago, and there’s a rock wall in there.  Anyway, they go in the cave, and there’s dinosaur bones.  How much do you want to bet their ship killed these dinosaurs?  Or maybe even just trapped them until they starved to death because they couldn’t get out.  Poor Poor dinosaurs.  Also I have an incling that this is the episodes the dinobots appear.  Let’s see if I’m right.

Guess what, another Dam!  Soundwave and the tripod Camera guys.  I keep forgetting their names, and I had to look it up.  Reflector, but the three alone are SpyGlass, Spectro, and Viewfinder.  His name should have been Tripod.  *shakes fist*

Anyway, the Autobots want to know more, so Spike takes them to a museum.  Good thing the entire planet knows about them;  I’m looking at you movie series.  Ugh, so they’re walking through the museum, and some punker kid with a huge mowhawk sees them and says “Woah man, that’s what I call Heavy Metal”.  I thought Mohawks were for Punk or Ska kids.

Oh!  We’re getting closer!  While learning, Wheeljack says “If only we had some Dinosaurs working for us”, and then says they’d kick some Decepticon ass.  Ratchet agrees, and he could build them.  They need Optimus’ approval though (why?).  They make some blueprints, start fireing lasers at some rocks, and start to build them.  I’m not sure if I should be turned on or not, but I’m pretty sure this is how they reproduce.

Back to decepticon base.  Reflector and Soundwave (and Laserbeak?  He wasn’t in the previous scene, but Megatron gives him credit for recon) are back.  He just now figured out that Dams are a source of a perpetual power source?  This was the third dam you’ve been to.  Idiot.

The Autobots are done having sex.  The dinobots!  Yay!  Hahaha, they gave them simple brains, “Just like real dinosaurs”.  Seriously?  You guys, being robots yourselves, self aware and everything, can’t make a robot with a complex brain, or hell, CHOSE not to?  Pshaw.  Guess what, you guys are paying for it now, because they’re attacking you.  Grimlock fires his mouth beam at the main screen of Telatraan 1.  It blows up.

I bet it’s fixed by the next episode.

Bad Grimlock!  Quick, rub his nose in it.

Why are all the lasers reflecting off the dinobots?  Are they made of Mirrors?  Optimus orders the destruction of the dinobots.  Wheeljack hits them with a magnetic inducer and they transform back to robot form.  They get locked away in the cave as punishment.  That’s the 2nd time they’ve locked dinosaurs in a cavern, haha

So, now back to the Depticons, who have arrived at the Dam, and are attacking it.  They need help, and one of the tech guys is calling out to Teletraan.  ”Giant robots attacking your energy producing building?  Call 1-800-autobots now!”  Of course they can’t get the message because Grimlock destroy’d the main screen.

Hound and Spike go out and about to check for Decepticons.  They get a signal.  … Hound “hones in on the source” and produces a hologram of the area, which shows Starscream and Megatron on a rock by the waterfall.  I’m not sure how that technology works, but our military would definitely want to get their hands on it.  Seriously, a perfect picture of an area without any type of spy plane, or a camera.

Again with the color changes.  Hound presses a button to alert Optimus.  His head turns Red, then the camera changes and his head is green.  Did the animators like, leave off at that point, go home, and then finish up and were like “What color was his head from yesterday?  Oh well, it’s going to be Green”.  Aww, Bumblebee has to stay behind to guard Headquarters.  Wheeljack stayed behind to working on three boxes, probably new brains for the Dinobots.

Wow, even Rumble can fly.  Starscream taunts “You’re too slow Rusty Pants!”.  One of the autobots shakes his fist at the sky and gets hit.  The decepticons hit a ledge and all the autobots fall in water.  Oh no, commercial, what will become of them!  Bumblebee shows up.  I can’t get over his pink seats.  Of all the consistencies they chose to keep, pink seats are the worst thing to keep.  Anyway, They need to save all the autobots, and they’re going to use the Dinobots.  New memory modules!  ”Save Friends!  Save Leader! We do as told, for Now.”  They blast out of the caves, and then fly away (again with the flying).  Optimus and Co are chained up to some rocks with energon rope (That stuff can be used for anything!), and there’s a HUGE animation mistake.  Optimus is completely blue!  I can’t take a picture of it

Wheeljack and the Dinobots come flying in.  Optimus is back to normal.  Maybe he was just sad.  Megatron always looks so angry.  Holy shit!  Wheeljack just kicked Megatron’s ass!  He was all like “Take this Megatron” and his shoulder laser hits Megatron straight in the gut, making him fall to his knees, and whining like a bitch “My equalibrium, My equalibrium!  Destabalized”  Sucka.  Starscream IMMEDIATELY claims that Megatron is dead and declares himself the leader (Geez, wait until he’s actually dead for once), and they attack the dinobots.

Rumble does poetry: “If on Decepticon turf you happen to Tumble, Look out Robot, cause here comes Rumble”.  Skiddy de beep bop boop.  Rad man.  *snaps fingers*

Wow, Rumble gets a taste of his own medicine.  The stegasaurus slams the ground, and Rumble falls down, and his left arm snaps off!

This battle is the epitemy of awesomeness.  Skywarp (I think) flys at Grimlock, and Grimlock takes his jaws down onto one of the wings, and then tosses him aside straight into Soundwave.

Woah, Megatron gets up, says he will lead them to victory, transforms into gun mode, flings into the air and attaches himself to the bottom of Starscream.  But the gun was the size of Starscream.  Does he have control of how big he is in gun form?  A couple of episodes ago he fit into Starscream’s hand, but now he’s the size of Starscream.

A dinobot knocks Megatron down, everybody’s pretty beat up, Rumble has his arm back, and the baddies fly away.  I would have TERRIBLE self esteem if I was a decepticon, always loosing and all.

Optimus approves the Dinobots, and they give a big growl of acceptance.

I just figured out that all the files are named with the title of each episode.  This one was called “S.O.S. Dinobots” and the previous was called “Fire in the Sky” (Because it was all about SkyFire).

Next up, Fire on the Mountain!

Whee, it’s that time again!

Oh look, it’s snowing.  Spike finds a giant snowman, but it’s actually Jazz.

Double Whammy – Car AND Snow Pun:  Jazz says something witty, and Spike says “Thanks Jazz, I get the drift.”

Snowballs = spheroid projectiles.

Okay, Bumblebee throws a snowball at Spike.  He falls down and starts to roll down the hill.  He becomes a giant snowball and then knocks down three autobots (Ratchet, Mirage[?], and I forget the other bots name) .  I don’t think Spike would come out of this unscathed.  And yet he does.  Also, Mirage falls against a cactus covered in snow.  El Nino?

It’s July too…  Okay, so something is wrong with the weather.  Optimus figures it out and asks Telatraan to figure it out.  Oh no, the Decepticons are to blame!  Go figure.  It’d be hard to fight global warming with lasers, but it would certainly be fun to watch.  Oh well.

Now Megatron’s plan is to freeze the planet, and take all the energon from the earth’s core.  That was “kind of” the plot, or the same general idea, as “Revenge of the Fallen”.

There’s a robot frozen in the ice, apparently he’s big and stuff.  They still need to thaw him out.

Back at the station, after scanning the earth they have found the source of the earth’s problem.

This new robot looks interesting.  Pretty tall.  Oh, Starscream knew this guy.  Skyfire.  Flashback!  Skyfire and Starscream explored earth before the Autobots vs Decepticon fallout/civil war.  He’s awake now, it’s unknown if he’s on the Decepticons side.

All that is happening on the north pole.  The Autobots drove from the middle of the desert (in the USA) to the North Pole, which I’m fine with, except Spike and Sparkplug are riding in Optimus.  I’m sure it’s a long drive, a very very long drive.  They seem happy to be viewing the “Aurora Borealis”.  How the hell did the autobots drive across Arcitc Ocean!?  Also, the Borealis is pleasing to Optimus’ “optic sensors”.

Woah woah woah.  Skyfire asks Starscream if he’s happier to be a warrior than a scientist.  Starscream is a scientist!?  Skyfire was too.  Also, the symbol on his chest seems to bounce back between the factions.  The animators couldn’t keep it straight.

I just thought of something too.  If Starscream and Skyfire flew from Cyberton to Earth, and back (in Starscream’s case), why don’t they all just fly back home?  I mean, I know they want the energon, but they built that ship and everything at the end of episode 3 to get off the planet.  Maybe it takes a lot of energy.

I say again, they are in the North Pole.  Spike and his dad run away, spike falls into the icey tundra and his dad pulls him out.  Hypothermia should be setting in, but no, he’s still running around.

So, Skyfire is all confused about the whole “Decepticon vs Autobot” thing (as any robot encased in ice would be), and saves Spike and Sparkplug from their icey doom.  Then offers to take them to Megatron to show them that Decepticons aren’t evil.  Boy does this guy have it coming.  Anyway, the Autobots are hiding behind some ice witnessing this, and Optimus stops someone from firing at Skyfire as he’s taking the humans away, because they might miss and hurt them.  However, if you remember several episodes ago Optimus was a super sniper, so why doesn’t he do it?  Not to mention Skyfire is three times the size of every other robot.

My fiance walks in and asks when Megan Fox is going to make an appearance.

The autobots drive into the icey caves (It wouldn’t be an episode of The Transformers without a cave!), Optimus drove in without his trailer, but later he has one.  Then literally two seconds after that, in a scene where they hear the humans, they back up and he doesn’t have it anymore.

Cliffjumper’s laser has a “defrost cycle”.  I’m not sure if it was a joke or if he was telling the truth.  It might come in handy around Thanksgiving time.  I used to work retail at grocery stores and we’d always have a couple loonies come in the night before wondering if they bought a turkey if it would defrost by morning.  Idiots.

Bumblebee: “That’s what I call ‘Stopping him cold’”.  Enough with the puns, we get it, you’re at the north pole.

Oh, I called Hound Mirage earlier.  Mirage isn’t in this episode.  Ratchet is repairing Skyfire, so hopefully he’s on their side now.

The three plane decepticons drop bombs on the Autobots, man they know how to draw the best explosions.  Another Megatron/Optimus battle.  They are fighting with green crystal swords pulled off what the decepticons were mining from.

Skyfire is all good now, rips off the decepticon symbol (and apparently it looks like it was paper?), holds up the autobot symbol, and it had a really funky background, like fireworks were going on in the background, but only for like a second, and he puts it on.  Then picks up megatron like the dork he is, and throws him.  Also, transformed Skyfire looks like he’s actually two planes, an escape pod on the back and a normal one underneath.  He then threw a laser at the green thing, and skyfire gets caught under his own rubble and gets caught in the ice.  Basically he’s dead now.

“He will live forever, as long as freedom exists”.  WTF Optimus?  What kind of patriotic bullshit is that?  Then all the autobots say in unison “We shall remember”.  Replace that with “His name was Robert Paulson” and you’ve got the greatest multiverse crossover ever!

I am Jack’s cybertronian leader.